Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
