I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
