you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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