I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I need to calm my uterus...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
