after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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