Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She told me I should be a condom model.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
