So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
