How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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