It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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