I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
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