big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
