I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
