try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
