I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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