He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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