my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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