Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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