I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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