I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Randomize
