dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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