I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
