What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
