NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
