i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
