why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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