your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
