I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
