Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
