Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
