so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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