Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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