so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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