Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize