That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
