Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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