tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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