There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
