In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
