If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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