Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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