What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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