The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
