Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Randomize
