New invention idea: vibrating tampons
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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