how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Randomize
