4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I have aggressive nipples.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
