that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
