ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
