After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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