I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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