she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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