Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
