I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
