your thong is hanging out like whoa
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
