i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
