I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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