I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
