I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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