The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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