He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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