he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
