Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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