I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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