I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
