everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
